Top Ten: Dodging Apartment Doldrums

During the dog days of summer, it’s all about the kids.  When the house space gets cut in half, kids go outside (mostly).

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Top Ten Ways to Dodge Apartment Doldrums

1. Draw stuff. Be sure to leave the lids off the markers so they can’t be reused. And don’t clean up after yourself until Mom refuses to feed you dinner — that table doesn’t clear itself.

1. Play Captain Underpants while folding clothes. This is especially important when fighting and winning over another sibling for the chore. It pays big money!

1. Find and relocate baby barn swallows to a safe location. A back porch is much safer than in the middle of the busy street.

1. Find bugs and creepy crawlies. Wherever you’re at. And the creepier the better.

1. Get short-short summer haircuts. The combination of chlorine and pool pee is hell on girl hair, especially since Mom boycotted hair brushing and combing.

1. Swing at every opportunity. Mom draws the line at playing Tarzan from the balcony.

1. Visit the local plant nursery. Buy a coveted carnivorous plant with chore money. Ah dang. Now you have to do more chores to earn more money.

1. Pick and eat Mom’s figs and tomatoes. Do this as Mom frets over the invasive grasses taking over her neglected garden space, scratching her head wondering why all the fruit is disappearing.

1. Make milk.

1. Catch up on Adventure Time reruns on Netflix. Veg time in front of the TV helps Mom get her work done. Regurgitate the more irritating highlights of such in loud, group-form while later standing in a check-out line for added effect.

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Do you live in a small apartment?

How do you keep from driving your mom bananas?